linzeestyle: (Default)
[personal profile] linzeestyle
I've noticed Tumblr seems to be getting slower and slower, the last month or so. I don't follow many people, and those I follow are long-term FIAWOL types which, admittedly, likely has something to do with it, but in the last few weeks it seems as though not only are the people I've followed for years posting less, if at all, but the posts I'm seeing on my dash have fewer notes. It used to be unheard of for a Supernatural gifset to cross my dash with under 500 notes, and now it seems standard that they slow-to-stop at 300, 400.

Have we moved? Did we consciously leave and no one told me?

I've been thinking a lot about how to fix my fandom experience. Right now I've checked out entirely but for my twitter, which I like a lot in that it's conversation, but wish I had more people to talk to. But the biggest loss for me is still the community aspect of fandom. Tumblr certainly never had it. But I do miss it a lot.

This last week, I've been tweaking and working on my old website, linzeestyle.com, trying to develop more of a blog setup using Wordpress. It's alright, but I'm not sure it's the best place for fanfic. I don't feel comfortable with AO3. The extent to which the cold-culture associated with AO3 (and the general change in fandom demographics, I suspect) has been terrible for me mentally. A couple of weeks ago I spoke to my dissertation director, and broke down crying, admitting to him I'm terrified my writing has hit its ceiling: that I won't be able to get anything published, that I won't be able to get a job because of it, that I'll be trapped in this kind of limbo at ASU as a result. I've lost confidence in my real life work as a result of so much time spent working on my "hobby" writing and seeing it disappear into a void of silence. He gave me advice I'm trying to take to heart: that if something is causing me that much stress, I'm paying to do it. It doesn't matter if no money is involved; it's still costing me something. And in this case, it's more than I can afford.

I'm still terrified my writing has hit its ceiling. That it won't be good enough; that the silence I'm meeting in fandom is a reflection of the limits of my potential in real life, too. It's scaring me to death. And that disappoints me because writing fanfic was so important to developing my writing skills. Having beta readers; commentary and feedback; discussion and revision. The environment I'm left in, I don't have fannish friends left to read my work anymore. Writing in a bubble has never been healthy, whether it's for a hobby, or for "work" (or the hope of finding it).

At any rate. Have we moved? Has everyone found an alternative to Tumblr, or am I just watching as others slowly give up and leave fandom as well?

And more to the point, *waves* -- hello. I need to get better at using this again.

Date: 28 Feb 2016 06:43 am (UTC)
featheredshadow: (Default)
From: [personal profile] featheredshadow
People might have been busy? I don't think I follow the same kind of people you do (I don't even understand what "FIAWOLF" means) but I've noticed my dash tends to be slower at certain times during the year, during the holidays most of the time.

Also, maybe the people you follow are slowly changing of fandoms?

Having also been in the Supernatural fandom, my gifsets rarely reached 500 notes (or more), and the same can be say in the fandoms I'm currently in (MCU, DCEU, The Man From UNCLE). I have noticed that my gifsets don't get a lot of notes lately, but it may be due to a change in fandom's tastes. I don't know. In any case, I haven't heard of anyone leaving to another platform, only of people being really busy with school/uni right now.

Anyway, I hope you'll reconcile yourself with your writing soon. The silence we can meet on AO3 (especially when not writing on popular topics, with popular characters/ships) can be really hard. I know I haven't been writing a lot since I quit Potter fanfics and it really hurt my confidence in my writing skills too. That damn silence... Though the situation is not exactly the same between you and me, and the impact is of course bigger for you, I think I can understand where you're coming from.

Take care of yourself!

(PS: I followed you on twitter, I'm @hmuffincavill. In case you wonder who this new follower is :) )

Date: 28 Feb 2016 12:13 pm (UTC)
goss: (Pooh - mirror)
From: [personal profile] goss
*nods nods* I feel you! When fandom dominated one's creative output for years, it's hard to know what direction to go in now. Especially when it was the community support that gave encouragement to reach new heights, and sustained one's confidence and high creative output for so many years. But I am also thinking that maybe it is the kick in the pants that is needed to take things to a new level now, to venture out of safe and comfy territory and into original work.

I am finding producing original work to a be slow and solitary experience for the most part, and takes more out of me mentally/emotionally, but found that sharing my WiPs here has given me the little boost I needed to continue on that path.

Cheering you on to keep writing and doing what gives you joy. *\o/* And keep posting here too! There are many who remain and continue to be a valuable source of encouragement and support, regardless of whether the output is fannish or original. :)

Not sure if there is an alternate platform being used now, but I too have noticed a reduction in Tumblr activity on my dash. Interesting...

Date: 1 May 2016 12:43 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] piginawig
I'm so sorry you feel that way Linzee and I can relate. I wish I was better at moving onto here because it would be nice going back to the way things were. I find I don't communicate at all with people from my old fandoms and tumblr gets to be very lonely and not at all conducive to creativity then. It's very depressing, like tumblr does nothing for my mental health issues but at the same time I need that fandom safe space so I can't leave it.

In some ways ao3 is great cause it's easy. But God knows I've gotten worse with comments since using it. So I can't imagine what it must be like on the other side as the writer not getting much feedback. I feel like it's a step up from ff.net though. My memories of that was just "great", "please update"!

And I can't say much for your own situation because your head knows the best way to dig at your insecurities, but as a huge fan of your work I don't think so. I don't think the lack of a response is a reflection of your work. The way I see it, fics work at their own sub-fandoms. Everyone jumps on one work or one author and is all over it. Then move on when the next one comes along.

The nature of fandom is changing with the social platform and the generation. It reminds me of an article I read recently about how with the new generation time is money or something and everything goes quickly because there's always something new to try. I can't remember it exactly but it was something like that. Tumblr fandom is getting to a place where it's very toxic, but it's got nothing to do with the quality of your work.

But, and as much as it kills me to say it because I live for your fic and meta and I'm just in love with your mpreg fic, take a break if it's giving you so much grief. This should not be the experience you're getting out of fandom. It's a place to escape.

Anyway that's what I think. Put yourself first.

Date: 3 Mar 2016 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] and-ed.livejournal.com
Hi, Linzee...I've never been much for tumblr so I can't speak to what's going on there but personally, I've been MIA from LJ for months now because there's not a lot going on here. I would be thrilled if there was a resurgence of fandom on LJ (or dreamwidth) - I remember the good old days when we had actual discussions here whereas it feels like tumblr discourages conversation, though its very good for all the pretty.

I don't know what made me pop on here tonight for the first time in weeks but your post was the first thing I saw so I just thought I'd say hello. I can't remember now how I ended up with you on my flist...were you possibly friends with Kat? Regardless, its nice to see a post in the desert here. =)

Date: 26 Mar 2016 07:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] artphilia.livejournal.com
Hi Linzee!

I used to check on your website back in the days for your amazing xf arts. You have been one of my main inspirations. :) And I'm happy to see you posting here again.
I know excactly what you mean. I miss active fandom talk as well. Tumblr is nice - for arts and gifs and stuff like that, but it's not like livejournal used to be. And I miss the good old times badly!

I just checked out your website. I turned my portfolio into a wp blog as well a couple of weeks ago. And guess what, we both use the same theme! What a funny coincidence! :D

http://artphilia.de ^^

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