linzeestyle: (Default)
I've noticed Tumblr seems to be getting slower and slower, the last month or so. I don't follow many people, and those I follow are long-term FIAWOL types which, admittedly, likely has something to do with it, but in the last few weeks it seems as though not only are the people I've followed for years posting less, if at all, but the posts I'm seeing on my dash have fewer notes. It used to be unheard of for a Supernatural gifset to cross my dash with under 500 notes, and now it seems standard that they slow-to-stop at 300, 400.

Have we moved? Did we consciously leave and no one told me?

I've been thinking a lot about how to fix my fandom experience. Right now I've checked out entirely but for my twitter, which I like a lot in that it's conversation, but wish I had more people to talk to. But the biggest loss for me is still the community aspect of fandom. Tumblr certainly never had it. But I do miss it a lot.

This last week, I've been tweaking and working on my old website,, trying to develop more of a blog setup using Wordpress. It's alright, but I'm not sure it's the best place for fanfic. I don't feel comfortable with AO3. The extent to which the cold-culture associated with AO3 (and the general change in fandom demographics, I suspect) has been terrible for me mentally. A couple of weeks ago I spoke to my dissertation director, and broke down crying, admitting to him I'm terrified my writing has hit its ceiling: that I won't be able to get anything published, that I won't be able to get a job because of it, that I'll be trapped in this kind of limbo at ASU as a result. I've lost confidence in my real life work as a result of so much time spent working on my "hobby" writing and seeing it disappear into a void of silence. He gave me advice I'm trying to take to heart: that if something is causing me that much stress, I'm paying to do it. It doesn't matter if no money is involved; it's still costing me something. And in this case, it's more than I can afford.

I'm still terrified my writing has hit its ceiling. That it won't be good enough; that the silence I'm meeting in fandom is a reflection of the limits of my potential in real life, too. It's scaring me to death. And that disappoints me because writing fanfic was so important to developing my writing skills. Having beta readers; commentary and feedback; discussion and revision. The environment I'm left in, I don't have fannish friends left to read my work anymore. Writing in a bubble has never been healthy, whether it's for a hobby, or for "work" (or the hope of finding it).

At any rate. Have we moved? Has everyone found an alternative to Tumblr, or am I just watching as others slowly give up and leave fandom as well?

And more to the point, *waves* -- hello. I need to get better at using this again.
linzeestyle: (Default)
Okay, I am terrible at multitasking I can't help it. As soon as classes kicked in for real I lost the capacity to do anything. On top of that, I've been sorting out my medication at the same time that I'm taking steroids trying to get my hearing back. FYI: steroids + mood stabilizers = nothing particularly stable at all. Good stuff.

BUT I RETURN, internet. Strangely, it was an older episode of 30 Rock that finally made me stop feeling consistently stressed about the quality of my classes. I've been rewatching the show before bed, and it occurred to me just how often TGS winds up pulling it together at the last minute: and this is considered standard. Obviously, TGS is fictional, but it's also a very, very thinly veiled Saturday Night Live (complete with an equally thinly-veiled version of the Palin thing). And frankly, I think perhaps that is what I need to aim for. There's just no way I will ever meet my own standards in a schedule that demands "performances," so to speak, five days a week. The best I can do is focus on what my students need to learn and stop worrying when Shit Happens. Sometimes, the tech *won't* work. Sometimes the powerpoint ends up being for the wrong class, and I have to talk off the top of my head for 45 minutes (this worked out surprisingly well in retrospect). Sometimes, your students will just stare at you in baffled, empty confusion.

But that's alright, because everyone else is going through it, too. Two "shows," five days a week. There are many similarities, I'm finding, between teaching and being the world's worst sketch artist.

ANYWAY DW I HAVE RETURNED. Because I have somehow been challenged/cajoled/not stopped from writing A/B/O in an effort to check every box on my "I am never writing that wait okay" bingo card. I am going...INTO THE CREVASSE. No, it's weird. I'm so far outside my comfort zone. At least it's SPN. I don't think I could write A/B/O in any other fandom.

And the thing is I know why, too. The original-flavor Philes on Tumblr were making me think about this a couple of weeks ago during that age-wank flare up, talking about how they'd gotten into The X Files as teenagers, how it was formative to them and became a part of who they are. Similarly, how the characters are a part of who they are: you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. And here is my secret, Dreamwidth. I don't feel it. Don't get me wrong, mind: I will watch the revival. But otherwise it's just not coming. It's not that I don't love M&S - they were my first and formative OTP, to the point where I can trace back all of my other OTPs to at least some of the tropes of theirs - but they aren't mine. I was too young. I didn't start with the show. I didn't grow up with it because it left me before I got out of high school.

But you know what show I did grow up with? The one whose pilot I remember? The (horrible admission) first show I wrote fic for, that never ever ever saw the light of day because it was terrible and Sam's POV and why does that exist? The one whose baby wank I remember, back when the biggest fan drama was upset over the introduction of Bella and Ruby in the same season and the fear that they'd have "some girl in the backseat of the car," coming between the boys? The writers' strike and the constant danger of cancellation?

Supernatural. Supernatural is the show I grew up with.

I will say this, in Supernatural's...well, not defense. Maybe explanation. From every single one of the spoilers we've gotten regarding the XF reboot, it is increasingly clear that even after all the years, all the poor ratings, the failed movie, and the chance to at least get online and fucking listen to your fanbase, Chris Carter still has no damn idea what his audience wants. He is arrogant and convinced of his genius - one wonders if this is why he has had exactly zero success in anything since XF ended - that he insists upon his nonsense "mytharc," blithely ignoring that in the thirteen some odd years since XF went off the air genre television has moved so far beyond XF in terms of concentrated storytelling that any attempt he might make will have audiences flipping the channel in ten minutes. Meanwhile, he simply doesn't tell Mulder and Scully's story, despite the fact that at this point, the characters are the only reason his terrible ideas are being put on the screen. This is a show that ran for nine years, but relatively speaking we know so little, about Mulder and Scully. Where did Scully get her degree? Was Mulder once married to Diana Fowley? When did they start sleeping together? These are fairly significant character moments that CC just....didn't see as important. And in glossing over them, he consistently fails to give his audience what they want.

And then there's Supernatural. No one is defending its writing at this point: I'm fairly certain they have some kind of algorithm that generates scripts. Their budget doesn't seem to allow for classic rock anymore so now their soundtrack sounds like a constant low-budget porno (no really, tell me it doesn't). There isn't a "plot" so much as "a series of events that will occur, in some order, and then no longer occur. Dean almost went to outer space. My point is that the show is just, objectively scientifically bad here. But it doesn't matter because this is a show that knows its strengths, and its strengths are not in the story, but the characters. By season nine of SPN we knew everything about Sam and Dean. We know Sam's afraid of clowns because he associates them with abandonment; we know Dean has a panty kink and is submissive as hell. We know what their childhoods looked like, we've watched them grow up. We've met their parents and their grandparents and seen the quirks and mannerisms and parts of their personalities that came from each one. And, let's be real: it's not hard to look at. "Soul Survivor" still might be my favorite thing on earth just because I didn't realize it was Jensen's episode while watching it and all I kept thinking was, "whoever's directing this knows what we want." Good work, Jensen. Kinda makes it weird, but good work.

I lost my point somewhere in there. Oh, yes. But that's the thing about formative shows: they're the ones that stick with you. My dark secret: there is a part of me that loves the Winchester brothers, more than I love Mulder and Scully.

This post ended up not being at all about what I thought it would be about. Isn't that the beauty of text-platform blogging?
linzeestyle: (Default)
Apparently I chose the wrong day to log back into Tumblr to set it up for cross-posting. Or the right one? I'm unsure. There was some sort of to-do in the X Files fandom wherein a young'un (I declare myself old enough to refer to everyone under 21 as such and will continue to do so until Dr. B no longer refers to me in emails as "kid") felt the need to post about how the XF fandom has become "cliquish," with all of the "old" fans coming in where they don't belong - i.e., a "youth space" - and pushing the fans that "belong" out. This is hilarious, of course, given that the people they are saying don't "belong" are fans like Dasha K, Mustang Sally, MD1016, Rivka T, etc: the *original* "BNFs," whose "cliquishness" is coming from having been friends since the show aired, and - understandably - from, well, things like this.

It did spawn a pretty excellent post, though, with a lot of old-school XF fans learnin' kids somethin'. Because I don't know when to shut up, I had to come out of hiatus to put in my thoughts:

Cut for my response )

ANYWAY the moral of the story is a closed Askbox and a long day in which someone numbs your nose and sticks ENORMOUS FREAKING NEEDLES UP IT and into your ears will apparently take your final fuck away from you.  Go figure.

In other news, internet: for as much as I Do Not Like that my classes have a five hour break between them in which I have no idea what to do with myself, I do not think I could have landed in a better place, post-nervous breakdown, than ASUW.  I love my students.  My classrooms have COMPUTERS.  I have REALLY GOOD HEALTH INSURANCE - like, I can finally get this stupid root canal that goes into my sinus cavity fixed, levels of good!  "I have a doctor that listens to me and is helping me get my mood stabliizer, stablized," good!  Despite the fact that it does not pay great, I remind myself when I leave class every day, how many people leave their jobs energized, particularly someone as introverted as I am?  I love teaching to the point where it's fairly ridiculous; to the point where composition is genuinely fun.  But ultimately I think the most important thing for me after moving back from Seattle was to feel safe -- that's a tall order of a new job, but particularly making the transition from grad student to "Real Adult," there's something to be said for being HOME.  I've been anxious, the last week or so, over the potential chance to teach literature classes because while ASUW *desperately* needs lecturers (i.e., the next payscale up, where a PhD is absolutely required, the course load drops to 3/3, and you're teaching 200 and up lit classes) they're having some (perpetual, always) budgetary issues.  My problem is that I very, very much want to do it - I'm under no illusions I'll land a tenure-track position in the next couple of years, and I want to do more than teach composition.  But I also don't want to put myself in a position where I'm saying yes to things that have me doing more work than my pay grade entails, and it has me worried I'll agree to things because I'm afraid I won't be rehired otherwise.  It's a silly fear given the department itself (I really do love these people) but at the same time, one can never fully trust that your "boss" is really looking out for you when they have a budget to answer for, you know?

This is where I'm unbelievably lucky though, in the end.  I had lunch with Dr. B today -- he was my British Literature professor when I was 19, and I just kinda....stuck around.  Oop.  I don't even know when it transitioned from "professor that puts up with me because I'm pathetic and wide-eyed and need help" to "friend who has possibly been stockholmed into putting up with me," but somewhere in there.  He was on my MA thesis, he helped get me into grad school; he called me regularly while I was in Seattle, he put up with me after I broke up with Misha (yes I kind-of dated a guy named Misha no sadly he looked nothing like real Misha), he found me this job and dragged me into applying for it, he talked me through my nervous breakdown and somehow still likes me anyway.   I don't know.  I'm reasonably sure he's putting up with me on purpose at least; I'm still in touch with a few other students who took a bunch of his classes as undergrads and while he's helped them out with various things (job recs, letters, etc) he's Pretty Pointedly Avoided staying in touch with them personally, so I don't actually feel guilty anymore.  At any rate, I talked to him about it a little bit and I think it bothered him I would worry about it to begin with, but he solved the present problem (pushed the Problem MA Class to next fall) and gave me the answer I should've known all along, which was essentially just -- if anything ever comes up that I'm afraid to deal with, to talk to him instead.  Which is not an Adult Solution to anything and I realize it, but this is why this situation is ideal for me: because I'm *not* okay enough, yet, to be able to fully handle Adult Solutions.  85% of the time, yes.  That last 15%?  I really do need an Adultier Adult.  I'm just...very, very lucky to have one, for the most part.

I mean, and then I end up trying to explain to him Twilight fanfiction and 50 Shades of Gray and it ends with me announcing, "look sometimes people just want to think about Jensen Ackles naked and making out with Misha Collins, don't worry about it" just as his, quote, "pain in the ass one o'clock" appointment walks in, but I figure at this point he's known me long enough to have a pretty solid idea what he's in for when he asks questions that begin with, "how the hell do you get vampire bondage out of that?"

I really did miss this campus.  Here's hoping B continues to think about whether or not they can figure out how to bump me up to lecturer because I would be all about that life.  I wanna teach the thing, she said, maturely, like an adult.  Of course right now he's decided he's searching this year's job market for me because I'm being ridiculous by skipping it, but they're going to have to confront the harsh reality of their total lack of an Intro to American Lit 2 instructor eventually. :p
linzeestyle: (Default)
 Okay, so three out of four of the classes I teach are in the exact same room, but all four are in the same hallway, which means every day I take the same stairwell to the second story of the CLCC building twice a day.  Today on the way out of my second class I noticed something.  I couldn't take a picture because I was with a student (I'll take one on Friday if it's still there, since the campus is largely empty Friday mornings) but sort of...drawn into the door, was the fucking Mark of Cain, from Supernatural.

Seriously though.  There's what, a total of 1.5 million (possibly just 1.5 period) people who watch that show?  I refuse to believe more than 3 of them live in Arizona.  My BFF found a car with the Dean/Cas sun visor from Hot Topic on it at the Wal-Mart in the center of Gilbert's Delicious Meat Pentagram (as per Tumblr); I've parked next to a car at the Safeway near me a few times that has a bunch of angel warding and anti-possession symbols stuck across the back.  I refuse to believe in a world where there's someone running around campus drawing obscure symbols from the last two shit-storm seasons.

Then again, during the hiatus between seasons two and three of Sherlock, "I BELIEVE IN SHERLOCK HOLMES" posters did appear in a bunch of places across campus.  My BFF and I are currently debating whether or not someone is trying to communicate with me, given that I do have a fairly noticeable Castiel bow attached to my work tote (it's got wings and a little blue tie with tan-and-black layers; Hot Topic is pretty awesome) and my sunglasses are currently SPN-themed.  I pointed out that even if someone did see my bow, I'm not sure a symbol that says "I intend to beat you within an inch of your life and seriously consider killing you with your own blade" is really a good way to make friends and influence people, but all that did was make her want me to wear my SPN dress next week and see if I can get someone to draw an angel trap around my office door.

Very helpful.  A+.

Seriously: I never attracted Fandom IRL when I was the age where Fandom IRL would have been convenient.  Now it happens to me just often enough to be weird.  At least I get good stories?
linzeestyle: (Default)
 I've had a stress headache for the last solid 36 hours.  I put my Tumblr on indefinite hiatus: somewhere in the reblogging of that post I deeply regret making, and in true Tumblr fashion, someone deleted my original response to the anon who had begun the conversation, and instead took a small portion of my reply and quoted it out of context in favor of attacking "the old people" who are "whining" about how fandom used to be.  I cannot even explain to you the many twisted, bizarre, nonsensical directions that post took from there: the desire for text-based crossposting is classist, racist, ableist (I...worked in Disability Resources for four years, and I desperately want someone to explain how GIFs are more accessible than screen-reader accessible text), pick your poison.  The very act of using text-based platforms is an elitist, clique-based enterprise and (actual phrasing) tumblr is an anarcho-socialist subculture that allows for universal equality regardless of whether or not you're contributing!

I can't handle this.  I'm tired.  Tumblr is exhausting to me,  like trying to follow a Donald Trump stump speech.  More and more I find myself beginning to plan out a fic idea, and then stopping to think, "there's no point in this," and moving on.  Which of course is no problem, as I was reminded in one of the last reblogs I saw before I deleted everything but my fanart and blocked myself out of Tumblr (I have a week to decide if I'm deleting or not): 'every time some whiny old fan leaves we're just going to get two new better ones anyway.'

I'm tired of doing backflips trying to justify what I want, because frankly, I'm tired of the nonsense idea that Tumblr and its obsession with "squads" is somehow different from the groups of friends that Tumblr seems to think were "elitist cliques" in text-based formats.  All I want is a small community of fandom friends that I can get excited about fandom with.  I want to be able to talk about fic ideas - to bounce weird ones off of, to work through plot points I'm stuck on, to be told "no that's a terrible idea" or "no that works" and to do the same in kind when they need it.  I want to have fandom friends I can text terrible vid ideas to or ridiculous headcanons.  I want to have friends I can ask to beta.  I want to have fandom friends who will dare me to do ridiculous things I wouldn't otherwise.  I want to actually have a community.

I need to step away for a while and regroup, I think.  Decide if this is a hobby that's worth fighting for, if it's something that genuinely causes me this much strife.  Because at this point I think the only way I could create of Tumblr a useful experience would be to use it exclusively as a content dump: I'd also need to remove roughly half the blogs on my dash currently, and I don't think I'm ready for the unpleasantness that would ensue from that either.  I don't know.  This is what I mean by missing that community.  I need help figuring out how to fix this for myself.  Fandom and fan creatives have been my primary hobby over half my life.  I hate the idea of losing it, but i don't feel as though it's optional, anymore.

I'm just frustrated.  I remain frustrated.  This too shall pass.
linzeestyle: (Default)
I have so many thoughts on the Hannibal finale that it needs its own post, and coherence, and possibly for me to go find my paperback copies of "Red Dragon" and "Hannibal" in order to make my point, which means first I need to prep my classes for tomorrow so I can justify sitting around writing an essay about a TV show.  Short reaction: Bedelia is Will, Will is Clarice, I don't know how I didn't figure that out a week ago at least and I am so very very salty we will not get a season four. 

Other things: I'm taking a bit of a Tumblr hiatus because it is eating up far too much time that I want to be spending at least feeling the illusion of productivity.  I've exhausted myself just reading the responses on that post I made about cross-platform use, it's terrible.  I mean -- the responses aren't terrible, it's been fascinating to read them.  But the sheer enormity of variation in All The Reasons for fandom to remain the way it is are daunting.  Ultimately I think it perhaps does come down to personal preference.  I've been reading the tumblrs of quite a few old-school XF fans, who have come back for the revival, and it's been a big part of what's gotten me thinking about platforms and usage, largely because the way that fans who are coming back into fandom after being gone two, three, in some cases five, six years is so very different than the way uses who have followed platforms more seamlessly are using them.  There's far more back-and-forth reblogging and discussion, but the result is (I will admit this) a very, very cluttered and difficult to read space that eventually becomes impossible to follow.  even with the ability to track conversations on the post I made a few days ago, as an OP, I'm finding that threads reach a point where I just can't read them anymore because they're stretched out twizzler-thin.  I think ultimately I'm just not equipped with the time necessary to make Tumblr into a platform that suits my needs, but I'm also okay with that - I find myself far more comfortable with the idea of posting in a text-based space with very little audience, than trying to adapt to a space I'm uncomfortable in, with a similarly small audience, if that makes sense?

At any rate.  I've somehow managed to roughly outline an embarrassingly long mpreg that I'm now trying to wrangle back into a manageable length.  I think generally anything over 25k becomes a little absurd for me, or at least, it becomes more likely that I'll get distracted and wander away.  I have an embarrassing amount of dead WIPs on my Google Docs, and it really does seem as though the one thing they have in common is that they all passed 30k.  I've got this Steve/Tony WIP that's something like 42k and the bane of my existence, just because it died SO CLOSE to being done that I'll never quite get over it.  I'll never finish it either, mind you, because I lost interest in the ship, but sometimes I click back into it and think, "if you had just been A LITTLE SHORTER."

Moral of the story: never let yourself tl;dr, you will always regret it.  SO MANY BANDOM FIC THAT NEVER MADE IT.
linzeestyle: (Default)
 One thing that surprised me quite a bit in the responses generated off of my post about Tumblr and text-based content were the number of discussions/replies that involved some sort of admission that the person in question didn't normally reblog text posts, period, generally for "aesthetics."  It presents a bit of an interesting conundrum to me because one of the complaints I often see when other platforms are suggested for fan-use (particularly DW) is that they are unwieldy, uncustomizable, and generally unattractive.  Appearance really does seem to be built into the current fandom experience at the base level -- but it isn't just a statement of personality; it's actively molding fandom itself.  Of course a text-based post announcing, say, a fanfic, isn't going to do well if it's only getting "likes" because text-based posts "ruin aesthetic;" of course drabbles, meta and discussion will always have a limited role in an environment where the visual is privileged because the goal is not to cultivate discussion, content or interaction, but beauty and appearance, regardless of repetition.  Of course, on the other hand, one of the other common concerns I saw was the extent to which fanfic writers are impossible to follow because no one wants to follow a writer only to get "the same reblog another 70 times" on their dash -- which is fair, but again: if the only thing considered fit to reblog in the first place is visual, doesn't this by its very nature set a potential text based/writing tumblr up to fail from the start?  

Ah well, at any rate.  In an effort to combat this I'm going to try only posting to Tumblr fic that are "worth the effort:" that is, large enough to justify the creation of image-sets that fit Tumblr's aesthetic desires.  If we're thinking of Tumblr in terms of a fandom RSS feed, there isn't much point to crossposting in an environment where you know the majority of the audience views what you're crossposting as visually unattractive/unsuited for their own "feed;" it certainly limits Tumblr's value as a tool of engagement with/advertising within fandom.  In all other cases, as several other responses to that post suggested, it appears that there isn't very much crossover between Tumblr and AO3 in terms of fic-seeking to begin with.  

Speaking of fic!  I posted my first Great Unknown Challenge Drabble, "In The Absence of Affection."  SPN, Dean/Castiel, Explicit.  I think this is my version of all of those tongue-in-cheek (or not!) 1989-song title-challenges surrounding Taylor Swift's last album -- I want to produce a ficlet for every song on Rob Thomas' new CD.  I haven't decided if the goal is for them to be (a) all one fandom and (b) a connected story, but that's what writing the second one is for.  I'm drawn to the idea of a Little Bit of Everything, but to be honest I'm deliberately taking a bit of a break from the Marvel fandom, right now.  The sudden rush of optimism/insistence that Stucky Can And Will Be Canon feels so, so similar to the back half of SPN S8 (likely due to the fact it seems that some of the same people are involved in leading this charge) and the idea of going through another fandom implosion when the Stucky fandom realizes they're buying from snake oil salesmen isn't something I'm ready for.  This, I think, is another aspect of Tumblr Meta that I'm not a fan of.  The lack of a cohesive space for discussion makes it far, far easier for well-crafted words and seductive optimism to blindside a lot of people, and there are a surprising number of fans who have "made their name," so to speak, in fandoms by appearing on the scene with meta that says exactly what fans want to hear, when they need to hear it most.  I can't help but wonder if this phenomenon would still take off in an environment where discussion of meta was, well, possible first of all, but also all contained in a single space - where fans could actually think and talk through what's being said in a post, and have fen other than the OP replying with some regularity.  

...none of which was what I intended to talk about, but -- oh.  Marvel.  Yes.  I really do fear an explosion once Civil War comes out, particularly given some of the intense anger towards the Russos I'm already seeing at Sharon's inclusion on "Team Cap."  And I, being a perfectly reasonable person, have apparently decided to deal with this by sticking my fingers in my ears and crawling back to the hollowed out shell that is the remains of Destiel, post-S8 firefight.  Hey: once the explosion has already occurred, it's unlikely you're going to get completely swallowed up in it twice, right?

Don't answer that question.  I've been in the SPN fandom at varying levels since the show started; I know exactly how often you can go running back into that burning building (the answer: idk, how many lives do Winchesters have?).  

linzeestyle: (Default)
This post of Stereowire's is everything I have ever wanted to articulate about Tumblr and never been able/brave enough to, because I have not yet found the hill I want to die on but I don't think anything involving Tumblr is worth it. It does remind me a lot of that post that was going around a while back, "Why I Left Tumblr," which had a point in particular that's still stuck with me:

This is not your blog, this is everyone else’s blog. [...] Tumblr makes me angry. I went there for the gifs, and I left because of the festering pit of antagonism. I make a conscious effort to remove negativity from my life, and this is why I will no longer be participating on the platform in an interactive way.

Obviously Stereowire's post is talking about tagging and content in regards to their fanart, which is something entirely different: but the idea behind it -- that Stereowire is obligated to tag more clearly (as opposed to a blanket "hydra trash party" tag) so that viewers can see X art but not Y, Z but not A -- and their subsequent response (which I do agree with, very heartily) -- that anyone’s allowed to not want to see something on their dash without it being a personal judgment on you for posting that thing. on the flip side of that, you have the right to decide what you want to see on your dash, but that means taking responsibility for curating it to your tastes and needs -- are very reflective of perhaps what I like least about Tumblr culture. Nothing, not even your own blog, belongs to you: it belongs to the people who view it. It doesn't matter that the blog is public; it doesn't matter that your audience has chosen to be there. If you fail to curate for that audience, you are the one who has failed: because much like in the Goodreads situation, as a content creator, you are subsumed by the importance of the viewer.

I don't know if this is the result of Tumblr's lack of text (it's easier to demand things when you're less aware it's a human you're treating like an output machine), its speed of content, or its larger toxic culture: a friend once referred to it as a massive unmoderated community and I think that's fair. But the idea that you are responsible for moderating your own content for the pleasure of others -- and, in return, those others are welcome to do whatever they please with your content, because "censorship" and "free speech" -- continues to be thoroughly troubling.

I am not a content generator. I am a person who uses (used?) fandom as a form of stress relief. And more and more that is the opposite of what fandom offers me. I do like going back to the blogging platform even if it's just me talking to myself; I'm still in the process of considering how/if I'll be posting fic here, because I do have issues, fannish and academic, with how I perceive the OTW to be ultimately set-up and run, and ultimately AO3 does not feel comfortable to me. But that's another issue for another time.
linzeestyle: (Default)
I made the mistake of continuously reading about the Goodreads Debacle on and off all day today. I'm lucky enough to have escaped inclusion, likely due to my (probably not very reasonable) habit of regularly deleting everything I've written from the internet, but something about the entire thing threw me. Maybe it was the fact that GR can wind up linking an author publicly to their Facebook or other real life identity. Maybe it's the fact that it was effectively serving to take anonymemes like bandflesh and spn_gossip's fanfic discussion public: a place to trash without fear of imagined recourse (because I'm unclear on what's stopping these people from just leaving poor reviews on AO3: if you're the kind of person that is going to argue for the "value of free speech over the writer's so-called rights any day" I sincerely doubt you have problems hurting someone's feelings in your quest to talk shit on the internet in between middle-school classes). It could be that it fell so quickly on the heels of another of my semi-annual Archival Displeasure Junkets. Or it could be that I'm cranky from my three (four) jobs and this is supposed to be a hobby that brings me pleasure, not the constant reminder the internet thinks of me as a logarithm for porn.

(Unrelated thought: the end of TWS would have been very different if that had been what Project Insight did.)

Regardless. Fans Behaving Badly will always be a fixture of fandom, and we should probably just be grateful no one sent Michael Rosenbaum a box of dildos, but it doesn't change how disheartening the response was, the general idea that the rights of the readers to these stories trumps everything else.

At any rate: I am going to make an attempt to integrate DW into my fandom experience. Which very likely means a fannish experience of only me, but I'm alright with that, too. I'll still be using Tumblr for shiny things obviously, and to link meta or any fanfic I write, but any significant content, I think I'm going to try posting here. I like the idea of having a level of control of the things I've written between "THE WHOLE WORLD CAN SEE ME NOW" and "scrubbed from the internet."
linzeestyle: (Default)

I am torn between delight and affectionate embarrassment at the name "Hella Fine merlot," which is appropriate, because Train has been making me feel that combination of emotions for going on thirteen years now.

And now I am going to drink Train wine, listen to Save Me San Francisco, and write Steve/Bucky porn, because that is how Responsible Adults spend their Friday nights.

This is everything I dreamed my late twenties would be. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed of the fact that statement is made without any sarcasm whatsoever.

Crossposted from - comment here, or at Dreamwidth!


linzeestyle: (Default)

@ Me

Find Me At:

Twitter @linzeestyle
AO3 @linzeestyle
Gmail @linzeestyle [dot] com